Monday, December 28, 2009

On Writing and Mom.

Since I started school at LCC back in September, I've found myself not really having time to do much blogging. In one class, I've grown custom to writing constantly in a journal. I've been told to write about an essay I was assigned to read, reflect on a dream, or free write, among other topics. Sadly, writing on my blog was set aside to focus on these more pressing demands. So, my journal became my outlet.

In English 101, my writing began to transform. I began to learn how to express myself with more clarity and focus. What I wrote became more enjoyable, expressive, and personal than what I had ever written. There were times I stressed about a few of the essays I had to create, but the free writing and reflecting became very therapeutic. I wouldn't understand how therapeutic it could be until recent events in my life concerning my mother and her recent passing.

Writing about her has helped me to let out this overwhelming flood of emotions and all these shocking realizations that now fill my mind and heart. It is hard to process at one time this aweful event that has occured. My heart is overfilled with sadness, yet at the same time there is some joy. My memories of her conjure up laughter and happiness that overcomes the sorrow. They're full of all the great times that Mom had created. Some memories are from my childhood of watching her dance and sing to Aretha Franklin or Mo-town.  She'd even make me get up and dance and we'd start to laugh. We had alot of fun. I also remember when I would help her in the kitchen.  She'd be making fried green tomatoes or pork chops.  I'd help with making the mashed potatoes or stiring the gravy until it had thickened.  Sometimes my small fingers found their way to snatch a few fried tomatoes or a small piece of a pork chop.  Those times in the kitchen are why I know how to cook today.
It's been a long time since my last blog, I know. Some day soon I'll post more blogs of food, my trips, and the lighter things of life. I'll post of school updates (I will go back) and even blog about the books I read. I've realized recently this blog could not go on without at least lightly touching  the issue of my mother passing. Everyday it will effect my whole life in some way. Everyday I will think of her. I will always miss her. I will never forget her. A part of her will forever live within me, as I know I am forever with her.
My family: Jesse, Marcy, Mom, and myself at Steak 'n' Shake on 10-22-09.
Jesse was making a face right before the camera went off. lol