Monday, April 25, 2011

Time Flies...

I'm very surprised that it's already the end of April. Where have the last 3 and a half months gone and how do I get them back?!!!! It's amazing how the sands of time flow so loosely through our hands. Speaking of time, counting today, I can't believe I recently turned 28 either! o.O I'm slightly afraid. I'm getting older and I feel like I have to be more like a grown up... at least act the part.

April marks my 1 year anniversary of becoming more active and losing weight. I've lost approximately 90lbs and have kept it off. My goal as of late is to slowly lose the last bit of chunk and gain a more muscle to help secure keeping the excess fat away. I've learned even more about nutrition than what I had previously known in this past year... I thought I knew a lot actually. I had lost weight before when I was around 22 and kept off most of it.  At my heaviest, I was around 350 or 360. For the longest time after, I fluctuated around 280-300lbs until recently. I now weigh around 205.

Reflecting upon this amazing transformation in my life, I know dealing with my grief concerning mom has been my main motivator to be active. I've needed an outlet, and it's been a very positive one. I know how concerned she was about my obesity, yet I'm sure by now she'd tell me to eat a few doughnuts, have a slice of her pineapple upside down cake, some sweet tea, along with some of her fried chicken by now. I wish I could tell her about how much I've changed.  I don't know how I've survived this long without even hearing her voice other than looking ahead and knowing my loved one that remain need me. Life just keeps on going. Losing her is something that effects me every day, but I try to stay positive. I usually keep my grief to myself or discuss it with a select few who bear the burden with me, yet writing just seems to make me think, reflect, and express whatever comes to mind.

Concerning the topic of writing, I've not been as active as I was in 2010. My last journal entry dates are far apart and usually just a few paragraphs. I desire to write, but just don't make the time for it. College was great for me because it made me write daily, helped me see the areas in my writing that needed improvement, and it challenged me to go farther. Without that push, I've let it go to the wayside fairly easily. I do desire to convey more of my thoughts through blogging or in my journal, I just need to act on it like I do with exercise.

We can hope and wish for things to happen all too often, yet until we take action and work on our passions, hopes, goals, and dreams, nothing will ever happen. It's just like a farmer looking out on a barren field hoping for his crops to come to fruition without setting forth the effort and dedication it takes to make it happen. I've proven to myself that I can, I just need to do. Herein lies one of my ultimate goals and that is to be more of a doer and less of a sayer.

Thankfully, I have been active for some time at reaching this personal goal. I'm seeing some successes that I've been very happy with lately. One has been improving my career. I'm glad within the past 6 months that I've passed this fantastic marker with a job I now love. Life Works has been a  great experience for me. I never knew how rewarding working there could be. I can't say every day is full of sweetness and happy feelings. It can be challenging, yet I know I'm making a difference in a life. It's exciting to see that difference too.

Another goal I have is to be more prompt on updating Majorly Mark. One reason I don't is I fear I'm a bore. Yet if I don't write how will I ever improve?  I'm going to make myself a challenge to blog every week with a well thought out topic or perhaps even a new piece of art I've done. Doing so will encourage me to knock out another goal which is to work on my art more. I could also write about my thoughts on a new book I'm reading as well or maybe some of the old things I've done like post about an awesome dish I cooked. It's been a while since I've done one of those. Or.... Wait...  here I am brainstorming. I should just jot these ideas down now and build on them so we can see where they take us. I guess it means I should conclude this long entry then.  Have an awesome week and we'll see what next week may bring.

Free Love Day

I'm participating in a facebook event that is being held all day. As stated, "Free Love Day is a day to promote awareness of suicide and depression, as well as to advocate a LIFESTYLE of unconditional love." If you're interested in being involved, you can visit the link here for more information.
I wear my heart on my sleeve today in rememberance of friends and loved ones who have suffered with depression and for those who thought the only remedy was taking their own life. My friends, if you're suffering know you always have an open non-judgemental ear and a shoulder to cry on with me. :)