7/12/10

Upon looking through drafts of posts I've created, I glanced through one which I believed was posted. I thought about adding to it yet I've moved on slightly from the thought I was wanting to write about.

                                                                           7/12/10

Since the latter portion of 2009, I've read more books in one set period than ever in my life... unless I count the mountains of comics I use to be a fan of.  I've always wanted to be a reader, but I'm a professional procrastinator.  The two don't mix well. 

Last year when my mom passed, reality was unbearable. I didn't want to focus on the realities I was going through, so I would open up a book and live through someone else's life. I'd experience their own pains, loss, heartache, tears, laughter, deaths, and  general lessons for living. Through reading, I was able to find reflection in my own life also which has helped me to heal.  I don't know how I chose the right line of books to help me along, but every one I chose for a while was exactly what I needed to hear for that exact moment.  Since then, I've been in love and have expanded my genre of interest as well.

The first 2 books I read have really impacted me through some of the initial pain. They are Cold Mountain by Charles Frazier and the Joyluck Club by Amy Tan. I've already written about the passage in Cold Mountain that helped me with my grief, but I'll quote a small portion again, "All your grief hasn't changed a thing.... You're left with only the scars to mark the void. All you can do is go on or not. But if you go on, it's knowing you carry the scars with you."  I still feel those scars, but I'm still going on.
With the Joyluck Club, June Woo is one of several main characters and she is learning how to find herself after the loss of her mother. The book is like several different stories that are all connected and woven together so gracefully, so completely, in the end. June's mother, Sunyuan, had one unfinished task before her death that her friends have strived to complete. The completion of the goal helps June to find healing in the process.  On my side, reading how someone else was dealing with the loss of their mother was a much needed experience.  I was a lot closer my mom then June was with hers, but getting into someone else's mind on our shared event gave me a greater perspective.

One other outlet that has helped me is writing.  Thank you, ENG 101, for all the writing I had to do!  I became very involved in keeping up a journal before all this happened, so going back home and having those days I drifted around my mother's house after she passed, my journal and pen were some of my best companions.  I'm just an amature, but writing has become a passion.  It has also helped me to appreciate literature as well.

All the time one has to spend on creative writing and the buildup of character and the initial stories. 
My new found passion for the writing has helped broaden my perspectives and experiences in ways I've not thought would happen in such a small amount of time. Reading has also helped me get through the deep pain of losing my mother.

I couldn't be by myself because I would unravel.  I did anything to keep my mind occupied, but the only activity that truly helped me was to lose myself in someone else's story through a book.